Doing so well...

So today is a good day for my nutrition.  NO SNEAKING YET!!!  Granted, it's only 1PM but hey.

Breakfast was 3 eggs, spinach, and salsa, sprinkled with Tony's (thanks for getting me hooked, Dad!).  Oh plus coffee and almond milk.

Lunch was a leftover pork chop, sweet potato, and asparagus.  With 3 "cuties" for dessert.  (What are those anyway?)

I have some greek yogurt in my fridge for a snack, or a 4oz cottage cheese cup if that sounds better later.  And I also have some carrot sticks and hummus if neither of those sound good...

GAH, STAY ON PLAN TODAY CHICA!

It must be Monday...

I have done really well with my nutrition today.  I'm about to have my popcorn snack and then will be heading home for the day.  If I can fend off the afternoon munchies, it's usually smooth sailing for me the rest of the day (as long as we cook what we have planned, LOL).

However, there has been no working out today.  Here is today's excuse:  

BABY WILL NOT SLEEP MORE THAN 2-3 HOURS.  

Jeff thinks I have trained him to want to nurse back to sleep.  I think maybe he's right.  And maybe at almost 5 months his brain is on overdrive and he just wakes up transitioning from REM to non REM sleep.  Anyway, I have NOT felt like exercising this weekend (or today).  I'm seriously exhausted.

Maybe if it's not raining I will take E for a walk in the Ergo again.  We both love it as long as it's not godforsaken hot and humid here.

In the meantime I'm feeling like this:

Ethan's Father's Day Baptism

It was incredibly important to Jeff and me that Ethan get baptized.  We have always had a strong faith life, even if we haven't been regular worshipers.  We are so glad to have found our church home at Christ Our Shepherd in Peachtree City.

Ethan was baptized June 15, 2014 on Father's Day Weekend.  After waking up to a perfect Georgia summer day (read: hot and humid), we headed off to church for the 11AM service.

Ethan did really great during the service.  The baptism was the first thing, so he was freshly dressed, changed, and fed and therefore in a pretty good mood.

The liturgy was the traditional Lutheran commitments and readings.  From the ELCA:

Our baptism sets us out on a lifelong journey that is characterized by our relationship to God, our relationship to our faith community, our relationships in our community and the wider world. Living our baptismal covenant means living a life of growth in the faith practices of discipleship.  

We are to “...live among God’s faithful people; hear the word of God and share in the Lord’s Supper; proclaim the good news of God in Christ through word and deed; serve all people following the example of Jesus; and strive for justice and peace in all the earth.” 

Jeff and I are completely honored and dedicated to raise Ethan with these morals, ideals, and faith, all the while giving him the tools, education, and knowledge to grow.

Amy was his family sponsor, and the (non-relative) Hartmans were our church sponsors.  

We are so grateful for these folks who will help us, help and guide him to learn about being a faithful follower of Christ.

And of course, Grandma and Grandpa were there too!!!  They have always made sure we had the opportunity to learn and be part of a church family.  They even offered up Pastor Joanne to baptize Ethan! :)

We feel so lucky that Pastor Fritz decided to come to COS.  We are so happy to be part of the congregation.

After the service, we hosted the "Six Hartmans" and my family at our home.  The kids ran around the house and played, and even went in the backyard for a bit.

We had a luncheon of chicken salad, ham salad, and turkey sandwiches, veggie plates, chips, and mixed fruit.  We topped everything off with this wonderful Raspberry Elegance cake from Publix (vanilla cake with raspberry filling and cream cheese frosting).  YUM!

The kids of course each wanted a flower, and we were happy to cut the cake accordingly - who said it had to be cut in rows anyway!

Later in the day after everyone left, we had a nice Father's Day celebration with my Dad and Jeff.  They both received their cards and gifts from me, and from Ethan.

Look at these two cool dudes - one with the Iron Horse Campground hat, and the other with an outfit that says "My Grandpa Rides a Harley"!!

Setting Goals, and some tough love.

I am still carrying around about 30 lbs of baby weight.  I call it baby weight, because I gained it during the pregnancy.  But even when that "baby weight" is gone, I still have a lot of "life weight" left to lose.

I shed quite a bit of water weight initially (and baby, and pregnancy grossness stuff), but since about 2 months post partum, the scale hasn't moved much.

So, I guess it's time to stop depending on breastfeeding calorie burn as my only means of losing weight.  It's time to stop using breastfeeding hunger as an excuse to eat whatever and whenever I want.

My long-term goals:

  Number 1: Get healthy and fit so I can crawl around on the floor with baby, carry a toddler around without being winded or sore, and run after a preschooler.  (That takes care of the next few years at least, LOL.)

  Number 2: Learn to ride a horse, and do it on the beach when we're on vacation.

  Number 3: Hike in the Rockies (Colorado) and the Alps (Switzerland) as a family vacation.

  Number 4: Increase my energy so I have more output and attention for my husband, because that is the most important relationship I CHOOSE to maintain!

  Number 5: Be generally AWESOME!!!

What does that look like (aka my short-term goals):
1.  Lose 70 lbs by my birthday (May 6) next year - 42 weeks remain, which equates to 1.5-2 lbs of weight loss per week.  This is probably a good rate as long as I'm continuing to breastfeed (which I am).

2.  Start tracking my food again.  I totally got away from it during the pregnancy...it was too much work especially when I wasn't feeling well.  I used to belong to Weight Watchers but quit after I had a lot of success, and felt comfortable on my own with My Fitness Pal and my trainer (Hi Carla!) instead.  I will re-start using MFP, and try to stay around 1800 calories per day, with carb/protein/fat macros of 30/40/30.

3.  I have got to start being active again.  I LOVED my group fitness classes back over at the G.O.  They were at lunch time, and I totally had my posse who headed over together, and kept each other accountable.  Since coming over to TOC in September, I just have not gotten into the rhythm of the classes, time of day, or fitness friends that I had before.  But, the only way to get that back is to jump right in.  So I am going to start working out 4 days per week (not Mondays) at the gym for at least 30 minutes, either in the morning before work or over lunch time.

OK.  So there you have it.  It's Tuesday.  What better day to start than TODAY!?

Worrying. Anxiety. Postpartum Issues?

Jillian says that if you act to avoid the things you fear, what you fear most will manifest itself.  For example, you are worried your guy will leave you.  So you call, text, drop by...get super clingy...and now he is gone.

Carla said that Worrying is like Accidentally Praying for What We Don't Want.  I get that.  Time and energy spent thinking in negatives instead of productive positives.  I totally get that.

I worry.  I'm afraid Ethan will die.  Plain and simple.  And to a lesser extent, I'm afraid something serious will happen to him.  I worry constantly.  Constantly.

And I'm afraid that it will be my fault.

That I won't be able to protect him.  That I won't be able to shelter him.  That I will do something that results in his harm.  That I won't do something that results in his harm.

So -

I am crazy about crib and sleeping arrangements because I am terrified - TERRIFIED - of SIDS.

I accidentally got water in his mouth during bath time and spent a good portion of the night awake to make sure he did not suffer dry drowning.

I am super pro breastfeeding because of the health benefits, it lowers SIDS risk, and boosts immunity for all sorts of things (especially asthma and allergies, with my history).

I am completely pro-vaccine but ALMOST did not want to get his 2 month shots on the off chance "the internet" could be right.  But at the same time, didn't NOT want to get his shots because I am convinced he would get whooping cough.

I researched what age was early enough to get swimming lessons so he can learn to float and save himself (20 months BTW).

I made my parents get re-vaccinated before the baby was born so he wouldn't get sick.

I weaned him off the Swaddle the second I thought he might roll over so he wouldn't get tangled and die.

I sometimes re-latch and re-tighten his carseat belts just to be sure.

I am anxious.  Probably every new mom is anxious.  I think it's normal.  I think I am acting in normal ways that protect my son.

But...am I?  Is my level of anxiety ok?  Or is it postpartum depression?  Or another manifestation of my grief over my little brother dying when I was 11?  Or a combination?

I don't know.  And I hope I can work through it. This becoming a mother thing is hard.

**Update** Since writing my thoughts in one spot, and talking to several people, I'm reaching out for an appointment with a therapist to get some tools in my belt to deal with the anxiety.

4 months old!

Ethan turned 4 months old when we were on vacation over the 4th of July!  More to come on the vacation...but I wanted to post his 4 month photo today since Daddy just sent it over :)

Here are some of his favorite things:

• MOMMY & DADDY, and Grandma, Grandpa, and Aunties, Uncles, and Cousins
• BEING HELD  for naps
• His paci (Dr. Brown's 0-6 month)
• Being covered by a blankie while napping in someone's arms
• His play gym and in particular the blue elephant that dangles down so he can hit it
• Singing songs with Mommy, especially Jesus Loves Me,  The Itsy Bitsy Spider, The Wheels on the Bus, All God's Critters, and Daisy, Daisy
• Laughing back when you open your mouth really big and laugh first
• Catching glimpses of the TV while Mommy & Daddy try to turn him away (we are trying for a no screen time until 2yo rule)
• Being outside and looking at the trees
• Sitting upright (with assistance / pillows) and looking at the world
• Giggling when he gets his tummy raspberried
• Scrunching up his shoulders when pulling a shirt on or off over his head
• Kick, kick, kicking the water at bathtime

Things he hates (there is not much!)

• The Nosefrida and getting his boogers sucked out
• Taking naps and falling asleep alone
• Riding in the car without someone in the backseat

I'm so nervous to fly.

We are traveling with the baby.  Not camping.  Not a road trip. TRAVELING.  IN A PLANE.

So for all of you non-chubby bunnies out there, let me tell you - nothing is more nerve inducing than being a large-bodied, standby (unconfirmed) flyer.

First, let me be clear.  Flying standby is an amazing PRIVILEGE of being an airline employee.  I realize most people would cut off their arm to be able to have access to the opportunities we have had.  I am so thankful to work for such a great company with perks like this.

That being said, I am SOOOOO super nervous about being my post-baby size and flying with the baby in my lap.

Number 1 - you don't know if you will get a seat on the plane.  So you show up hoping the flight isn't full.

Number 2 - you almost always will get a middle seat (if you get a seat at all) because those are the last seats assigned to revenue passengers.

Number 3 - there are no requests to the gate agent for an "open" seat next to you (because the plane is usually full and because again, it's a privilege).

Number 4 - a lot of times a non-revver will get an exit row seat assigned if there are not enough upgrades. BUT if you have to use a seatbelt extender you can't sit in the exit row.  And because our seats are assigned 0.5 seconds before the door is closed there is a big flurry of activity to move people and re-seat...no inconspicuousness there.

Number 5 - our flight is on a regional jet which has super small seats and aisles to begin with.  I'm afraid my post-baby tush alone will encroach on my neighbor.  Who is most definitely not going to be my husband because as previously mentioned, we take what we get and seats are not usually together.

Number 6 - While my post-baby tush "might" encroach, FOR SURE my squirmy 4-month old (!) and giant chest will certainly have elbows in my neighbors air space and armrest.

Number 7 - I am a nursing mommy.  But I will not even think about trying it in flight, even if it might be better for baby's ears, hunger, disposition, etc...we are bringing a billion BM bottles.  Which will be cold.  And E doesn't drink cold milk.  So I will have to figure out how to jam it between between my legs, or under my arm, or in a scalding hot paper cup of water from the FA (yeah, not doing that one).  And then feeding it to him while again, not encroaching as much as possible.

Number 8 - this particular flight has been late leaving ATL super consistently for whatever reason (probably all the storms at our destination).  So a 3-hour flight could easily turn into a 6-hour flight with a diversion (as my parents experienced 2 weekends ago on the same route).

Number 9 - Where the heck do you change a baby on a plane?

Number 10 - As a standby passenger, our bags are not guaranteed to get to our destination...so we have ALWAYS only traveled with carry-ons.  Yeah.  This time we have 2 giant checked bags packed.  I hope they show up.

GAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  But I'm sure all will work out fine.  It will be worth it to get to see our families and friends when we arrive.

Ethan's First Camping Trip!

We took 2 camping trips while I was out on maternity leave.  The first trip was to FDR State Park in Pine Mountain, GA - about 40 minutes from home.  

We have day tripped and overnight camped there many times and new it would be an ideal location to try and get our feet wet with baby.

We went April 30-May 3, when Ethan was 7-1/2 weeks old!  And he did so great.  He LOVES to be wrapped up with Mommy, and camping was the perfect time to never set him down.  

There is not a good way to put a baby that age down - we tried the Rock N Play but he wasn't super interested.  It was also a bit chilly, so getting wrapped in the Moby kept him warm too.  He never cried the whole time we were there - because what baby doesn't like getting held and carried around by Mommy all the time?!

We debuted our family camp sign addition - thanks Aunt Lois for the "& Ethan" to add to our post!!!!!!!

We mostly hung out at the campsite, but every morning around naptime, we could take a walk or do something else.  One morning, we put Ethan in the Baby Bjorn and went hiking on a super easy trail with our poles - to find the state Geocache!  Daddy did the off-roading once we got close though.  Mommy didn't feel totally comfortable climbing over rocks and roots.

We nursed exclusively while camping - it was super easy to pop into the camper, sit down at the dinette with the Boppy, and nurse for 20 minutes.  Sleeping went well too.  We set up our bassinet pad on the dining bench.  With Ethan swaddled up, he slept really well and did his customary once a night feeding.  It was really not that different than being home!

Daddy was super happy with how everything went.  Ethan wore his favorite camping outfit from Aunt Jen "Daddy's Happy Camper" with a monkey!

We had a great time!!!!!!!!!!!  And can't wait to continue this tradition.  Although - we may need a bigger camper LOL!...

Happy Easter

I can't believe I'm so LATE posting these photos.  But, for the sake of archiving I'm doing it anyway.

We had a great Easter. Ethan woke up Easter morning like any other, and we got him ready to go to church.  He handled the service like a champ!  He LOVES having Mommy wear him in the carrier and was content to look around and eventually fall asleep being worn.

Little guy also really likes music and you could tell he was listening when the horns would play along with the hymns. At the end of the service, the band did a rousing and wonderful rendition of John Philip Sousa's march. Buuuut Ethan had fallen asleep and the timpani and cymbals were a bit too much for him - he woke up and immediately was hungry. So we fed him a bottle in the narthex.

 By that time, I decided it was too late to start Easter dinner (we had planned ham & scalloped potatoes with peas and deviled eggs), so we did what all good Christians do when they don't want to cook on a religious holiday - we went out for Chinese food.

Ethan also got his first Easter basket - it had a Peter Rabbit book, a chick sippy cup, a rubber duckie, a bag of jelly beans (ok those were for mommy) and a Reese's PBC bunny (ok that was for daddy). All in all a great holiday!

We made it

Well, we are on Day 3!

Mommy went back to work on Monday - to a new job and boss and team (all of that changed while out on maternity leave!).

Daddy went back to work too, to a completely new career - stay at home dad.

After 12 weeks of togetherness family time, we were just starting to find our groove...so...

HOLY SCHMOLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The Hartmans are tired, cranky, and happy all at the same time.

But mostly happy (we think)...when this face is looking at you, watching his hands :)

Mommy's back to work schedule for the first week only looks like this:

3:00AM NURSE
5:45AM NURSE
6:15AM SHOWER AND GET READY
7:00AM PUMP
7:30AM MAKE BREAKFAST, GRAB STUFF AND LEAVE

8:00AM ARRIVE TO WORK
9:30AM PUMP BREAK / SNACK
12:00P PUMP BREAK / LUNCH
3:15PM PUMP BREAK / SNACK
4:15PM LEAVE WORK

5:00PM ARRIVE HOME NURSE/PUMP
6:00PM DINNER / NURSE IF NEEDED
7:00PM PLAY OR GO FOR A WALK
8:00PM GO UPSTAIRS, NURSE, AND BEDTIME
9:00PM PUMP AND PREP NEXT DAY BAGS
9:30PM SLEEP

Now, this schedule does not take into account actually "WORKING" at least 8 hours, or any time to workout daily...we decided to give ourselves a break this first week and get back into it. Plus, I was just not sure how often or how long I would have to pump at work. Ideally I would only have to do it twice, and maybe over 15-20 minutes. 

So far...I am pumping 3x per day - and going to/from the mother's room, plus getting everything ready, plus actual pumping time, plus storing all the milk, plus a potty break is taking 20-30 minutes per session this week. Hopefully I get faster at it!!! I'm sure I will. Practice makes perfect (and I will be getting a lot of practice). 

I am bringing home 12-13 ounces from the 3 work pumping sessions. And, it looks like I am doing about 4 extra ounces per day by adding the 2 pumping sessions at home (morning and night). 

And I know, the best laid plans etc etc but wr had to start somewhere.  Over the next couple weeks we are going to have to refine this schedule though because of course

Ethan didn't know I had set up a schedule. As luck would have it he is staying up at night until 10 or 10:30PM!!!!!!!!! Which pushes my whole shebang back a lot...yikes-o. Daddy is going to take over putting Ethan putting to bed duty if it goes past 9:00PM. Or something. 

Well, we will figure it out, right??