Thursday, May 5, 2011

Pre-Birthday Pensivity

It is the eve of my 30th birthday. I have been looking for this day (note, not exactly looking forward) all year.

When I turned 29 last year, I was extremely depressed. At some point, you have to "grow up"...and once you are 30, there is no leaning on your youth or innocence anymore.

No more "I don't know any better." Because you do.
No more "I am just too new." Because you're not.
No more "I will get around to it." Because time is ticking.

I have goals. And when I turned 29, I could clearly see that I had not set myself up for succeeding at all of them (or even half of them) before I turned 30. And that milestone - subconsciously - had been the end point / beginning point for me.

As the year progressed, I gained some perspective.
- I realized that I am much smarter - about a LOT of things - than when I was 22.
- I am better at navigating the world (I don't mean geography) than when I was 23.
- I am more confident than when I was 24.
- I am a much better wife and relationship-maker than when I was 25.
- I am in a much better emotional state than when I was 26.
- I am much more financially sound than when I was 27.
- I am more settled and secure than when I was 28.
- I am coming into my own while I am 29.

After this list...30 is going to be great.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson

1 comment:

Amy said...

beautiful. there is nothing standing in your way of having the life you really want. Such sold reflections on life and love. Happy Birthday, dear sister!