Worrying. Anxiety. Postpartum Issues?

Jillian says that if you act to avoid the things you fear, what you fear most will manifest itself.  For example, you are worried your guy will leave you.  So you call, text, drop by...get super clingy...and now he is gone.

Carla said that Worrying is like Accidentally Praying for What We Don't Want.  I get that.  Time and energy spent thinking in negatives instead of productive positives.  I totally get that.

I worry.  I'm afraid Ethan will die.  Plain and simple.  And to a lesser extent, I'm afraid something serious will happen to him.  I worry constantly.  Constantly.

And I'm afraid that it will be my fault.

That I won't be able to protect him.  That I won't be able to shelter him.  That I will do something that results in his harm.  That I won't do something that results in his harm.

So -

I am crazy about crib and sleeping arrangements because I am terrified - TERRIFIED - of SIDS.

I accidentally got water in his mouth during bath time and spent a good portion of the night awake to make sure he did not suffer dry drowning.

I am super pro breastfeeding because of the health benefits, it lowers SIDS risk, and boosts immunity for all sorts of things (especially asthma and allergies, with my history).

I am completely pro-vaccine but ALMOST did not want to get his 2 month shots on the off chance "the internet" could be right.  But at the same time, didn't NOT want to get his shots because I am convinced he would get whooping cough.

I researched what age was early enough to get swimming lessons so he can learn to float and save himself (20 months BTW).

I made my parents get re-vaccinated before the baby was born so he wouldn't get sick.

I weaned him off the Swaddle the second I thought he might roll over so he wouldn't get tangled and die.

I sometimes re-latch and re-tighten his carseat belts just to be sure.

I am anxious.  Probably every new mom is anxious.  I think it's normal.  I think I am acting in normal ways that protect my son.

But...am I?  Is my level of anxiety ok?  Or is it postpartum depression?  Or another manifestation of my grief over my little brother dying when I was 11?  Or a combination?

I don't know.  And I hope I can work through it. This becoming a mother thing is hard.

**Update** Since writing my thoughts in one spot, and talking to several people, I'm reaching out for an appointment with a therapist to get some tools in my belt to deal with the anxiety.

We made it

Well, we are on Day 3!

Mommy went back to work on Monday - to a new job and boss and team (all of that changed while out on maternity leave!).

Daddy went back to work too, to a completely new career - stay at home dad.

After 12 weeks of togetherness family time, we were just starting to find our groove...so...

HOLY SCHMOLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  The Hartmans are tired, cranky, and happy all at the same time.

But mostly happy (we think)...when this face is looking at you, watching his hands :)

Mommy's back to work schedule for the first week only looks like this:

3:00AM NURSE
5:45AM NURSE
6:15AM SHOWER AND GET READY
7:00AM PUMP
7:30AM MAKE BREAKFAST, GRAB STUFF AND LEAVE

8:00AM ARRIVE TO WORK
9:30AM PUMP BREAK / SNACK
12:00P PUMP BREAK / LUNCH
3:15PM PUMP BREAK / SNACK
4:15PM LEAVE WORK

5:00PM ARRIVE HOME NURSE/PUMP
6:00PM DINNER / NURSE IF NEEDED
7:00PM PLAY OR GO FOR A WALK
8:00PM GO UPSTAIRS, NURSE, AND BEDTIME
9:00PM PUMP AND PREP NEXT DAY BAGS
9:30PM SLEEP

Now, this schedule does not take into account actually "WORKING" at least 8 hours, or any time to workout daily...we decided to give ourselves a break this first week and get back into it. Plus, I was just not sure how often or how long I would have to pump at work. Ideally I would only have to do it twice, and maybe over 15-20 minutes. 

So far...I am pumping 3x per day - and going to/from the mother's room, plus getting everything ready, plus actual pumping time, plus storing all the milk, plus a potty break is taking 20-30 minutes per session this week. Hopefully I get faster at it!!! I'm sure I will. Practice makes perfect (and I will be getting a lot of practice). 

I am bringing home 12-13 ounces from the 3 work pumping sessions. And, it looks like I am doing about 4 extra ounces per day by adding the 2 pumping sessions at home (morning and night). 

And I know, the best laid plans etc etc but wr had to start somewhere.  Over the next couple weeks we are going to have to refine this schedule though because of course

Ethan didn't know I had set up a schedule. As luck would have it he is staying up at night until 10 or 10:30PM!!!!!!!!! Which pushes my whole shebang back a lot...yikes-o. Daddy is going to take over putting Ethan putting to bed duty if it goes past 9:00PM. Or something. 

Well, we will figure it out, right??

Welcome 2014!

I'm excited. This year is gonna be awesome. I have been saying that every year for a really long time now, but I believe it every year!  And its almost always true :)

I have a tendency to be a bit pessimistic but about short term, specific things. Maybe that's realism. I don't know. Because for long term life stuff, I typically feel like it will all work out like its supposed to!   And I just know 2014 will be no exception.

To say goodbye to 2013 and hello to 2014, Jeff and I got dressed up...in jammies.  We prepared our traditional chicken and cheese quesedillas, and frosted some cutout cookie snowmen. 

We settled in to watch Ryan Seacrest, and flipped back and forth between New Years Rockin Eve and a show about Sturgis bike week on the Travel Channel.

At midnight we clinked our glasses (prosecco for Jeff, Lacroix and OJ for me), kissed, and danced...I'm so lucky to have my best friend share my life.

To 2014!

How to Know When to Move

I am so incredibly happy for my sister. She has FINALLY made the decision to move out of the city (WELCOME TO SURBURBIA!!!).

Most "hip" people would say - why???? Why would someone EVER pack up and leave the city, with all its restaurants, and good vibes, and stuff to do???

Here are my Top 5 Reasons to Move to the Burbs.

1. Your commute SUCKS.

Seriously.  You drive one hour, one way, in heavy traffic...twice a day?  That's a true drain on your quality of life...  Dealing with idiots.  Noxious gases.  Stress.  Inevitable fender benders.  Gas money.  Reclaim 10 hours of your life back already.  It's YOUR LIFE.  You only have one.  Make the most of it.

2. Your support system isn't physically nearby.

If you can, move to where your support people are at.  Or where you can access them semi-easily.  Sometimes you just need someone to come jump your car.

3. You want to save money.

Have you SEEN the rates for apartments in the city?  Rent a townhome in the burbs for the same money, twice as much space.  Or same space, half the money.  And don't get me started on the awesomeness of eating out - I love it, and I love being able to walk anywhere or order in anything.  But your health and pocketbook will thank you if you just get groceries and cook more.

4. You own a car in a wintry environment.

Off street parking is stupid.  Otherwise it would be available in the city, right?  The burbs are sprawling land masses for a reason...get a garage.  Or at least a parking space nearby.  And for god's sake, hire someone to shovel.

5. You have access to public transportation TO and FROM the city.

Are you REALLY missing out on late night bar crawls if you can still catch the train or cab home?  Hey, what, that's what you do now?  In the city?  Might as well do it to the burbs.  Oh, and when you hit 30...just sayin...10PM on a Saturday is about the end of the night anyway.

Even if you check only a few of these boxes...you'll know when the time is right. Just like my sister did.

How to know when the time is right

That's one of my favorite quotes (from a movie I've never seen, so maybe it's out of context...but I don't care).

How did we know it was time to have a baby? After almost 9 years of marriage, and definitely over a decade together - what made us take the plunge? Truthfully, I wasn't sure when I wanted kids. I knew in some obscure way that it was in the plan, but just "not now".

After all, I had my career...and Jeff...and we were really happy to travel the world...and sleep in on weekends...and do basically whatever we wanted.

But about 2 years ago, my doctor asked me if I wanted to have kids. "Yes."

Do you know how many? "Maybe 2?"

How far apart? "I dunno.  I haven't thought that far."

Well, you should really try to have them before you're 35 because there's this thing called 'Advanced Maternal Age' and...on and on... "Oh. Ok."

Enter my healthiness journey of the past 2 years. Enter the Weight Watchers plunge. Enter the focus on weight loss. Enter the focus on improving my overall health by eating less processed, more organic, more natural foods. Enter the focus on strength training.

All of this, not just for me, but to prepare myself to even be able to conceive, let alone carry a baby.

The other question the doctor asked - which my mom also said she saw on Oprah or Dr. Oz or someone was... Picture your holidays and your life when you are 65. Do you have grandchildren? If so, children come first...plan accordingly.

So. After some soul searching and looooooong discussions, we began trying to have a baby.  Nothing happened for almost a year. And then it did.

And we are amazed, excited, scared, nervous, and definitely NOT ready...but we're not waiting anymore.

An Amazing Rekindling

What an amazing vacation.

People use that term all of the time - but in this case, the Alumni Weekend was truly magical.

Starting off, Jeff and I flew in on Wednesday, April 17th to snow flurries on the ground.  We thought about upgrading our rental to a Tahoe or something like that, but decided we could get around just fine in the snow and ice in a Maxima.

After a super quick lunch at Taco Bell (YES CHURROS!!!!), we headed over to the SDSMT campus to take a look at the new ChE building(s) and talk to a few professors.  Man, oh man...that place has really changed since we went to school.  As Jeff said on way more than one occasion, "It looks legit."  Multiple labs, no scary White Elephant, air conditioning...it was really startling.  We had a really nice chat with a few professors as well, who gave us the skinny on happenings within the department and what other alumnae were up to.

Then we headed over to Old Gym...er new Music Building...to say HELLO to Dr. Feiszli and Michelle - who just happened to be some of the most influential people in my college life.  We got the GRAND TOUR of the new facility, practice rooms, offices, stage.  I think I said on more than one occasion, "It looks legit."  Truly impressive.

We checked into our hotel, then met Jason and Bobbie (Jeff's brother and wife) for dinner at - where else - Qdoba!  It was redecorated from the days when Jeff and I had puppy love, but the food still basically tastes the same :).

On Thursday morning woke up, hit the gym (WHOOP), headed over to campus for a late lunch at Grubby's, and more walking around before rehearsal started.  As folks starting trickling in for the Alumni Choir rehearsal there were many SCREECHES,  HUGS, HAIR FLUFFING, HANDSHAKES, HIGH FIVES, and general EXCITEMENT to see people for the first time in...5 years? 8 years? 10 years?  Then we all got on stage to make some pretty dang good music for old fogies...I think there were about 70 people that made it back, but from our little group back in the day, we probably had 10-15 and truly some of our bestest bestest best friends in attendance.  (Nikki, Jaaron and Megan, Jenny, Steve, Marci E, Marci M, Amanda, plus others listed later...)

Thursday night was a really cool after-hours event at Speakeasy, which is an underground bar of an establishment in Rapid City.  We had the whole place rented out, with drinks and apps, and spent some good time catching up.  Then the party moved to Paddy O'Neils where of course everyone drank a LEETLE too much...with overtones reminiscent of being 21 but with the bodies of 30-somethings (the recovery in the morning was tough).

Speaking of mornings, Angela, Aaron, Jeff, and I all decided to go to Perkins on Friday morning to help our aging, dehydrated bones recover with pancakes, eggs, toast, coffee...it was perfect.  We had a great time laughing about our lives, tearing up at some memories, and reconnecting.

Friday afternoon held more rehearsal time, and then THE BIG EVENT!  Four choirs, over 100 singers...and in case you missed it, here's the encore:

Friday evening was an after hours black tie event at the Vertex bar, atop the Alex Johnson hotel.  (More chatting, drinking, eating, and laughing!).

Saturday events began to wind down and after a nice breakfast, several of our group went over to our friends house to hang out: Tad, Kelli, and Olive; Isaac, Alison, and Brooke, Aaron; Angela, Abram, and Asher...it was a full house but so fun.  Almost like college days, but with a few more little feet running around.

Sunday we had brunch with Jason and Bobbie again before heading home for Atlanta.  Our flights went great - no issues - but we were mentally and physically exhausted.

It's overwhelming the deep love and respect I have for my friends from college.  Even now, I look back at the weekend with a sense of longing, and also gratitude for the events and experiences that brought us all together.  I miss you guys.

What is the white space for?

I have been busy.

Like, really busy.  At work.  (Not complaining though.  Seriously.  It's tough, but manageable.  Sort of.)

Let me explain...

I was asked to participate on a special project - which turned out to be manning a colleague's desk and daily responsbilities while they are working on the special project.

I am truly not complaining.  It's actually kind of fun (I really like learning new things).  It's tough, but manageable.  Sort of.  Let me explain the situation further...

Last year I volunteered for a role that has expanded into a 2-year stint.  Originally the scope of the role was a bit o' reporting and some trade shows.  This year a different vision has been set forth, which includes acting as a conduit of a bunch of activity (ie, lots more work that I had first signed up for).

Again, not complaining. It's tough, but manageable. Sort of.

It's all good stuff. 

The problem is the white space.  Or lack of it.

The white space is the "negative space" on a written page.  It exists so our eye doesn't get overwhelmed, so we can communicate clearly, so people pay attention.

All of this "other stuff" crowds out the margins on the page.  Makes the font size smaller.  Eliminates the photos.  Creeps into the white space.

And now I have no room in the margins to scribble my notes, to put things in ALL CAPS when required, and turn memories into photos.

That's good stuff too.

I Deserve It.

Do you get to the end of a long day or a long week and look at wine / pizza / cookies / brownies / cheese / crackers / etc and think, "Yep, I worked my ass off. I deserve this"? 

I do. 

But I'm working on this.

Because I also deserve to go up a flight of stairs while chatting with a coworker and not huff n puff.

I deserve the chance to carry a baby.

I deserve to shop at Macy's.

I deserve to learn to ride a horse without worrying I will hurt it.

I deserve to provide emotional support to my family and friends without being physically exhausted at the end of the day.

I deserve to buy sexy stuff at Victoria's Secret.

I deserve to breathe better, even with stupid ass-mar.

I deserve to be the person I see in my head.

And hopefully all of that outweighs deserving to have cookies. 

(Like I said, I'm working on this...)

Try Living a Cliche

You know I love me some Jillian.  As in Jillian Michaels.  Yes, the Biggest Loser trainer / yeller / motivator.

But I truly am beginning to subscribe to her way of thinking (more on that later).  I listen to her podcasts while commuting to and from work...and really loved this concept she talked about, "Try living a cliche" (the September 15th episode if you want to download it).

It got me thinking...what if we really did live out common cliches?  In a totally not ironic, not sarcastic, not cynical, not attitude-y way?  Just for a day?  Or a week?

Live each day like it's your last.

You get out what you put in.

Each day, each moment, is a choice.

This week, I'm going to hang up my snotty remarks, and try to be my better - MORE POSITIVE - self. 

My first 5K!

Many of you might know that I signed up before Christmas for the Hot Chocolate 5K/15K run in Atlanta.

Thinking it would be motivation to keep on track and work out over the holidays...was a good plan...

But I knew if nothing else, I could WALK IT!.  AND SO I DID!!!

It was so close.  On Saturday night, I nearly - NEARLY - chickened out.  I was so, so, so nervous...about driving, parking, logistics, getting there on time, being early, checking my gear, meeting up with friends, finding my corral, and getting done in my time allotted.

Actually, we went to bed and Jeff still wasn't sure if I would be up at 5AM for it.

But thanks to my great co-worker Kathy and her daughter Lola, I knew I would have walkers waiting with me to do it.

Aren't we excited!!  We were at like, mile 2.9 and at the top of the LAST HILL!!

Guess who else I knew was waiting for me?  ADPI girls!  They were all runners though...

The race started (and ended) at Turner Field, home of the Braves.  The 5K folks went first by corral (I was in G), with the 15K folks following.  As our corral approached the start line, I was so grateful to see my friends Elaine, Scott, and Matt cheering us on and high fived us as they waited to start the 15K.

When you crossed the start line, your bib registered your start time, so it was a bit of a mad dash but not too bad.  Then the first hill!  WOWZA!  I didn't train well enough for the hills...but got an amazing view I will never ever forget...looking up the hill and see this huge mass of 20,000 people of all shapes and sizes running under the Olympic rings.  Amazing.

The best part of the race - other than finishing - was this super yummy finishers mug!  Complete with lots of Ghirardelli melted chocolate, whole chocolate, chocolate in liquid form, and dipping stuff (marshmallows, rice krispie bar, pretzels, banana)...YUM.

I was nervous, excited, cold, anxious, sweaty, happy, and PROUD of myself for finishing!!!  I think I'm hooked!

How to Develop Goals (ENTJ edition)

I'm an ENTJ so I LOVE big-picture stuff and HATE details.  So, typically I prefer the work-backwards approach to goal setting - I'll set my big picture goals for the year and then fill in the blanks of "how" to get there.

Which is exactly how I came up with the list below.  I have heard that ~5% of the population shares my personality type, so I thought I would share my thought process around setting goals for the other 95% whose brain works differently than mine.

Here are my questions I asked myself to get the big-picture list started.
1.  What is really, truly important to me?  And to my family unit this year?
2.  What do I "wish" I had done already? 
3.  What do others do that inspire me?
4.  How do I envision my life in 5 years?  and what do I need to do to get there?
5.  What will set my family up for success instead of struggle?

So, here is it is, my Top 5 Goals for 2013:

1.  Work towards becoming as debt-free as possible.

2.  Cook "clean" dinners at home 5 nights a week.  (And continue brown-bagging breakfast and lunch.)

3.  Go to the gym 4 times per week.

4.  Get to MAINTENANCE on my allergy shots.

5.  Find a church community.

And like any good ENTJ - I know my weaknesses.  These are LOFTY goals, but achievable.  I just need to break down into smaller steps...which I will do later.  Or delegate.  (Seriously, it's just a part of who I am to function this way.)  Look for an upcoming post that will get to the PLAN of HOW to ACHIEVE!

UPDATE SOS!!!

I have been extremely negligent in my posting, and for that, I am so, so sorry.  Jeff thinks people stop checking my blog if I don't update it every couple of days, so my goal between now and the end of the year is to at least post every other day.  So, please, please keep coming back and commenting and reading!

Now, I am going to list below everything that has happened in the last 40 days and 40 nights - and you will see why the blog has been a bit wayward!

1. Oct 12 - Lois arrives! 
2. Oct 13 - Catch up / errands / big Lowe's and Home Depot trips for project supplies
3. Oct 14 - Bunco Preparation / Paint the kitchen a new (beautiful) Blue and set up Bunco
4. Oct 15 - Bedroom and Bathroom painted / Choir rehearsal
5. Oct 16 - Host Bunco at my house for the first time
6. Oct 17 - Huge presentation at work
7. Oct 18 - Weight Watchers
8. Oct 19 - Southern Crescent Chorale Annual Fundraising Gala concert event
9. Oct 20 - Shop for camper, eat lunch in Midtown, visit the Atlanta Botanical Gardens & Jake's Ice Cream
10. Oct 21 - HIKE INN Day 1!!!
11. Oct 22 - HIKE INN Day 2!!!  11 miles in 2 days!!!  WOO HOO!!!
12. Oct 23 - Met my new boss
13. Oct 24 - Preview a used camper we found online
14. Oct 25 - DAY TRIP TO DALLAS :) and Lois leaves :(
15. Oct 26 - We bought a camper!!!  Allen and Gail arrive!!!!
16. Oct 27 - WEEKEND TRIP - Dahlonega and Amicalola Falls, enjoying fall colors
17. Oct 28 - WEEKEND TRIP - Brunch at a Lodge, Ellijay apple orchard, and antiquing
18. Oct 29 - WEEKEND TRIP - More antiquing and head home
19. Oct 30 - Free time.
20. Oct 31 - Halloween!
21. Nov 1 - Weight Watchers
22. Nov 2 - Stately Oaks Plantation tour, Six Feet Under restaurant, the Cyclorama, Jake's Ice Cream
23. Nov 3 - Free time.
24. Nov 4 - Free time.
25. Nov 5 - Allen and Gail leave, met new boss's boss, Choir Rehearsal
26. Nov 6 - President Obama is re-elected
27. Nov 7 - DAY TRIP TO CLEVELAND :)
28. Nov 8 - Big meeting at work, Weight Watchers
29. Nov 9 - Pack the new camper
30. Nov 10 - WEEKEND TRIP - First camper trip Day 1!
31. Nov 11 - WEEKEND TRIP - First camper trip Day 2!
32. Nov 12 - Cat-sit for a friend, Choir Rehearsal
33. Nov 13 - Bunco at the neighbor's
34. Nov 14 - Free time.
35. Nov 15 - Weight Watchers and catch up with my friend Megan
36. Nov 16 - Maddie went to the vet and might have kitty cancer or might just be gastrointestinal :(
37. Nov 17 - Free time.  (SLEEP)
38. Nov 18 - Free time.  (SLEEP)
39. Nov 19 - Thanksgiving week!  Grocery shop, pack camper, pick up keys
40. Nov 20 - Finalize all Thanksgiving preparations

Now, dear friends - when the hell do you think we will slow down?  I'm hoping for January 5th.  But you'll be with me every step (or at least every other step) now that I'm recommitting to the blog :).

But I am so, so thankful for all of this time with family and friends.  I'd gladly trade sleep for hours and minutes with those that I care about. 

Happy August

Sorry for the lack of posting in July.  I apparently decided to take a summer break and forgot to tell you all! 

While I was gone, here are the things you missed:

Fourth of July celebrations
Preparing to go on vacation
A WEEK OF VACA IN SD!
Returning from vacation

Ok, I know it doesn't seem like a big list, but Jeff and I both had an INCREDIBLY hard time preparing to be away from our offices for a whole week. 

The week before we left we both worked like crazy people.  But it paid off - neither of us had much of any email follow-ups or emergencies arise while we were spending quality time with our families.  So grateful!

The week after vacation was also crazy...both of us working well into the evening to 'catch up'. 

So I apologize for not writing.  I have also not tracked as well as I wanted to, not grocery shopped on time, and definitely have not been cooking at home much.  Or exercising much.  Or petting my kitty much.  Time to get back on track!

Time Management Confessional

I have been working out at the gym at work (!) 2-3 days a week over the lunch hour.  There are several classes I am in love with (hello Muscle Mayhem), and they are scheduled for 45 minutes.  This is perfect because you can change, go to class, and shower in an hour TOTAL and it's just like you were "out to lunch".

The problem is that I have never been a "lunch-taker".  Ever since entering the real world in 2004, I almost always, every day, bring my lunch and eat at my desk while working.  Occasionally, I'll go out to eat with colleagues for a special occasion or if we just need a break, but by and large I am a desk-eater.

Jeff helped me see that by going to class 2-3 times per week over lunch, I was really losing 2-3 hours of productvity I had previously depended on. 

Add that to the insane amount of workload and projects and special events and demands and everything else happening at work right now...and I'm behind.

I'm not majorly behind, but NOT performing at the level that I'm used to.

And I have a hard time saying no.  (Who's with me?) 

(By the way, my reasoning for saying "yes", is if I say "no" - the person is still going to do what they were going to do anyway and I will be STUCK WITH THE CONSEQUENCES without having had input.)

But I DO like my lunchtime ritual and break from work.  It's become really important to me.

The only options are to go to work earlier or stay later.  Staying later sucks (I already get home around 6:30PM), so I need to go work earlier.

So I made the decision.  I am committed to coming in early on Mondays and Thursdays. 

Guess what.  Today is Monday.  I came in 30 minutes early.

Eesh.  Not exactly what I had in mind.  But I guess I had to start somewhere?

This Week's Meal List

Plan, Plan, Plan.  It's just about the only way to REMAIN successful at this healthier-eating thing.

I have been making (mostly) hot breakfasts and fresh sack lunches in the morning for Jeff and me, but the dinners present a challenge.  I usually get home between 6 and 6:30PM and am STARVING and TIRED and think it's much EASIER to go out for dinner.

But, it's not as easy on my points, or on the wallet, to eat out that much.  So this week my goal is to cook at home all of our dinners.

Here's what's on my meal list this week, and I am preparing to go to the store to pick up ingredients for:

- Pulled Pork Sandwiches in the Crock Pot, with Tator Tots and Green Beans

- Beef Tacos with Fajita Fixin's & Rice

- Curried Chicken, Peas, and Potatoes (made with Greek yogurt...so yummy and easy)

- Baked Mahi Mahi with Mangos (for me) & Rice (for both)

- Moussaka in Minutes (NEW RECIPE!!!)

- Turkey Pepperoni Calzones

Pretty much everything on this list is between 7 and 12 Points Plus for one serving.  Hopefully I can get them all cranked out this week and meet my goal this week of COOKING DINNER AT HOME!!!

Aloha!

Aloha from Honolulu!

Yes that's right - I'm in paradise this week. From a busy Easter weekend directly into a work trip...trying to fit in a bit o' fun...

I'll post more photos and a recap when I return...if I ever come back!

Training and Seminars

Last week, Jeff was sent for training by his new job. YIPPEE!

He learned a bit about security cameras, and a lot about the software and features of various models.

The best part? According to him, it was the food...over 2 days, they really fed the group well!

A full hot breakfast
Mid-morning cold snack
Day 1 - Taco Bar lunch
Day 2 - Pasta Bar lunch
Mid-afternoon dessert snack

I definitely won't be able to compete with my sack lunches of sandwiches, pita chips & hummus, and carrots...

I want to tell jokes.

Why do I constantly feel the need to think up something funny to make others around me laugh?

Why do I always talk?

Why must I know what other people are thinking?

Quiet and Rest are two underrated qualities. And I need to practice them.

A Bit Stagnant

Guess what the scale feedback in week over week change was. -0.4. WHAT? I haven't lost that little except for one week - before Christmas.

The check-in ladies say, "A loss is a loss. Keep it up!"

I say, "DAMMIT. I was expecting at least -1.0. I was hoping for closer to 2.0. I am soooo close to losing 10% - which for me, is a lot of lbs. Why didn't it happen? I must immediately go and consult my charts and graphs to find out what has changed."

There are people at Weight Watchers who HATE tracking. Not me. I love it. As long as you are being HONEST (which really, why wouldn't you), it is the most effective way to not only modify your behavior at the current moment but also do a bit o' statistical analysis on your past to help plan for the future.

Here are my favorite tools that are part of eTools (which I employed last night to make a plan for this week):
1. Weight Tracker. A line graph of week to week how much weight you lost.

2. Progress Reports - Weekly Report. A week to week report of average daily points used, average weekly points used, and average activity points earned.

3. Smiley Faces. In weeks with good progress, did I meet all my Good Health Guidelines (5 fruits & veggies, 2 dairy, 2 oils, whole grains, water).

4. Monthly summary. A non-graphical snapshot of key data - days of tracking, activity earned, weight change.

5. Measurements. Get out the measuring tape and measure your waist, hips, chest, or whatever - there's a place to track it and graph it.

I use these tools to go back to 'big loss weeks' or other time periods (ie, 4 weeks at a time) to reinforce that GOOD BEHAVIORS GET RESULTS.

This week - I only got 17 activity points. Prior to eye surgery - when I was getting better results - I would get between 24 and 33 activity points, and barely used any weekly points. So, both of those will be a focus for me this week - more activity, and stick to my daily allowance only!

Leap Day

We get one extra day this year.

I heard a radio personality grumbling on the radio about how we don't get paid for the extra day this year (if you are salaried). I thought that was a REALLY negative way to thing about it.

So I thought about all the things I would do with my extra day:
pet my Maddie
cook a delicious meal
work out
hug my hubby
bask in the sunshine

I am grateful for Leap Day. And every day. Especially recently.